Here’s the book that changed my journey by teaching me about lament
“Let me give a shout out to rage,” our support group facilitator said a couple of weeks ago. “Well, maybe not rage, but anger at least. Your lives have been totally upended through no fault of your own, and every day you’re facing situations you never wanted and don’t know how to handle. If you’re frustrated—or just plain angry—every now and then, that’s to be expected.”
More than anger
Immediately I thought of the book that helped me most right after we received Evelyn’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis. A friend sent it to me, and later I learned it was named the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association Book of the Year. Such an award would always be notable, but this one struck me as surprising because the book is about a subject we don’t discuss much, let alone embrace.
Lament.
Lament is an expression of emotion that may begin with the anger anyone feels when faced with one of life’s inevitable unjust circumstances. Alzheimer’s certainly fits that category.
But lament is more than anger. Lament is the agonizing cry out to God, “Why?” “How much longer must I bear this?” “I can’t take this anymore.”
I was surprised to be reminded that God seems to welcome such prayers. And, indeed, the Bible is full of them.
Giving voice to pain
The book that showed me all this is Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament. Now, whenever I meet someone new who’s facing Alzheimer’s, or Parkinson’s, or death, or any other devastating disappointment, l tell them they should read the book too. I’ve given away several.
The author, Mark Vroegop, explains how “the Bible gave voice to my pain,” after he and his wife endured a crushing stillbirth. He admits, “Although I had been a student of the Bible for many years, biblical lament was new to me.” As he dealt with his own questions and loss, he learned, “Lament is how we bring our sorrow to God.” Eventually he came to a simple definition: “Lament is a prayer in pain that leads to trust.”
He points the readers to multiple Scriptures expressing lament, mainly from Psalms and, of course, from the Old Testament book titled Lamentations. He offers a pattern for praying prayers of lament and includes appendices listing complaints and different categories of lament in the Scripture.
Taught . . . and frustrated
The book taught me several important lessons. One is that lament is not wrong; in fact, God welcomes it. And lament takes practice. (Indeed, one of the author’s appendices contains worksheets with patterns for “Learning to Lament.”)
Only one insight from the book leaves me frustrated. That is, many believers not only don’t know how to lament, they don’t know what lament is. Lament is totally missing from their spiritual development, because contemporary worship in so many corners makes no room for lament.
By recommending and giving this book, I’m doing my little part to address that lack. I’d suggest it for anyone, but especially to any caregiver or patient overwhelmed by the weight of their unjust sentence. Don’t deny your anger; you can use it as a step toward a practice that will lead to the healing you need.
