Monday meditation: You’re not alone, or at least you shouldn’t be
“I told Siri I was lonely, and she apologized. So that was nice.”
The quip introduces an article about loneliness, particularly male loneliness, posted at Psychology Today last September. The author claimed male loneliness has reached epidemic proportions globally.
And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt. (1 Samuel 18:3-4).
So what do all those solitary men, brooding in a corner alone, think when they read about David and Jonathan? In the famous Bible story about male friendship, Jonathan says to David, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.” How many men have a friend like that? How many caregivers?
Need a friend
This is the kind of friendship a caregiver needs. Even better are the friends who see a caregiver’s needs and gently but assertively step in to help without waiting for him to ask.
The facilitator of my support group has stressed the importance for caregivers to build a support network. Presumably, this includes all kinds of help: doctors and maybe a counselor, lawn mowers and house cleaners, a good handyman, a trustworthy auto mechanic, and a substitute caregiver who will let you leave the house to get the oil changed and the groceries bought.
But most of that is busyness, not bonding. The task remains to find a friend who will listen to your account of this week’s challenges and accept you in spite of the ways you think you’ve failed.
Be a friend
The Psychology Today article reminds us of what we probably already knew: We won’t find a friend at home alone scrolling through social media. Among five tips in the piece for making new male friends, one looms large for the lonely caregiver: “Find something in common and go from there.” So maybe one solution to the caregiver’s friend problem is offering friendship to another caregiver. Become a friend to have a friend.
If another person lets you know he’s a caregiver, too, make a time to meet or call and ask how it’s going. Or find a local support group and eventually invite one or two of the members for coffee or lunch. Listen to them tell you about how they’re coping with their spouse or parent, and they’ll almost certainly make time to hear what’s going on in your life, too.
I’ve been fortunate. I haven’t had to go looking for friends; several have reached out to me. That’s more likely, I suppose, when you’re spilling your guts in public the way I’ve been doing in this space for more than a year. If I were an introvert, I might have responded differently to their phone calls and invitations to meet. I don’t know.
But I do know no caregiver can well walk this path alone for long. We may not have many friends like David had in Jonathan. But like David, all of us need at least one.
Read: 1 Samuel 18:1-4; 19:1-10, 18; 20:1-4
Pray: Dear Lord, show us how to be the friend another needs. Help us find the friend we need and accept their help when they offer. And thank you, Lord, thank you so much for the friends who have guaranteed we not walk this path alone.
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