Of all my many reasons to be thankful, these people top the list

For the first time in more than 51 years, I won’t spend Thanksgiving with Evelyn.

She could not cope with a trip to our daughter’s house hours away. I don’t think she’d enjoy a meal at home. I considered staying here, but really, I doubt she’ll have much sense of the holiday. And the hour or two I would spend with her tomorrow would be for me an unsatisfying oasis in a desert of aloneness on the day when families everywhere are together.

I could be OK with it. But would she be better for my giving up all the celebration with my daughter and her family? I decided no.

But this will be different.

Monday I was chatting about Thanksgiving Day with the lady at the front desk where Evelyn lives. She’s working Thursday, but I told her I would be gone for the weekend..

“That’s OK,” she said. “We know your heart is here.” My throat constricted, and I said good-bye and hurried out the door before tears spilled down my cheeks.

So much

But on this day before Thanksgiving, I don’t want to fill this space—and my mind—with sadness. Because here’s the thing: I have so much to be thankful for.

I’ve decided to “count my blessings” by posting a long list of them here. Actually, this post mentions only some of how fortunate—blessed is a better word—I am.

I fear many readers will find the following verbiage about as interesting as the fine-print assembly of donors’ names at the back of a college’s quarterly newsletter. But maybe the sheer volume of the following will make my point even for readers who only quickly skim through it. So many people in my life have made the difference in how I’m coping with our situation.

They care

Let me tell you about them, in no particular order.

I’m grateful for the caregivers who have helped us in the last year. Some were paid because caregiving is their vocation; others are friends who volunteered to spend time with Evelyn so I could get out of the house: Lisa, Tori, Jessica Cindi, Jan, Karen, Shirley.

These days Tori or Jessica spends four hours every day with Evelyn where she’s living now. I don’t know if I could feel as good about leaving town if they weren’t there. Evelyn’s brother, Ken, volunteered to help pay for her care, and that makes their daily service possible. Talk about a blessing!

We eat!

While Evelyn was still home, people brought us food. I’m not sure I’ll remember all of these cooks, but here are some: Donna, Mel, Linda, Jan, Kay and Tom, Jannah.

I seldom spend a week without at least one breakfast or lunch with a buddy like Jerry, Dave L., Shawn, Rick, Jim, or Dave R. Meanwhile, my friend Roy, who lives miles and miles away, stays regularly in touch. He proves the power of love can be felt via FaceTime. My friend and former colleague Robb is often up for an outing. I drive an hour every several weeks to meet Larry, one of my old college roommates, for lunch.

Others have invited me to join them for Sunday lunch. I think of Patty and Courtenay, Barb, Martha and Jeff, and Joe and Brenda.

They encourage

Several have visited Evelyn where she’s living now. I don’t expect this of anyone, but I’ve been grateful when these have come: Cindi, Jan, Shirley and Terry, Karen, Dave R., Kay and Tom, Dave and Mary L., Sev and Paul, Verna and Bill, Ken and Susan, Steve and Susan, Byron and Katie.

The network of church friends and acquaintances includes too many to name, so I’ll thank them as a group. Where would I be without their smiles and handshakes and encouragement? I’m especially blessed by knowing those in my Thursday-morning Bible study and Sunday-morning adult Bible fellowship group.

Many long-distance friends have offered special encouragement and support, too many to name, really. But I’ve had the chance to spend nurturing time with a few of them, Byron and Katie, Jon and Tammie, Beth, and Cindy.

Other caregivers have been a unique blessing. The circle of friends from around the country I see in a weekly Zoom support group have become like family. And several Artis spouses have offered friendship and support: Phyllis and Chuck and Mary and Lynn.

They serve

This leads me to think of all the professionals whose attention to Evelyn is more than a job. I can’t list the names of all the aides where Evelyn works, offering consistent, kind care. Several of these are truly special; I trust them as if they were sisters or daughters. Likewise, I have high confidence in the nursing staff, each one of them kind (and fun!) as well as thorough.

I’ll always be grateful for Evelyn’s family doctor who made us feel as if Evelyn were the only patient she was seeing that day. Without her thoroughness, we wouldn’t have discovered fractured ribs and a punctured lung that would have killed Evelyn if left undetected.

And I’ve written before about her neurologist, a gift from God, assigned to us when another doctor left the practice. I’ve since discovered he’s one of the top neurologists in the area, and his care has been a wonderful combination of compassion and expertise.

So close!

Finally, I’ll mention those closest to me: Shirley and Terry and Sev and Paul (and even long-distance, Verna and Bill). Our friendships began because of their connections with Evelyn, and they flourished as we couples spent uncounted hours together. Now that Evelyn isn’t up for dinners or concerts or trips, these friends still include and invite me. Sometimes it’s difficult as a new single not to feel out of place. But I never do with them.

I’m so grateful for my kids, whose heartbreak sometimes seems deeper even than mine. Their ongoing encouragement and gentle patience with me would be easy to take for granted if I didn’t see the strife and separation that characterizes too many families. But we’re together, and that’s so good.

I’ll quickly add how grateful I am for the catharsis and self-discipline afforded me by the challenge to write this blog. So far this year 25,000 have visited these pages at least once. Frankly, that amazes me. Equally encouraging are the regular comments from readers who say they resonate with something here.

Not alone

The journey continues. But I’m not taking it alone. This Thanksgiving I’ll work to keep uppermost in my mind my gratitude for the gift of so many others involved in my life.