Shared story: Becoming a caregiver in the blink of an eye
Today’s Shared Story comes from Valerie Reed, Mason, Ohio. Her husband, Dave, suffers from physical injuries as traumatic as any outcome from an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. And Val’s caregiving journey has been as challenging as that of any Alzheimer’s caregiver. It’s so good to hear her story here.
They say that life can change in the blink of an eye. We nod in agreement and life goes on without another thought. Until it happens.
Our blink of an eye happened to us on February 6, 2019, in a rainstorm that caused us to hydroplane on I-65 South, in Kentucky near Mammoth Cave. Our car flipped at least once. It may have been more than that, but it happened so fast. In a blink of an eye. I called out Dave’s name and there was no answer.
Shock and waiting
To make a long story short, I walked away with a black eye and bumps and bruises. Dave suffered a spinal cord injury that left him paralyzed. He will never walk again. We ended up staying in Louisville, Kentucky for almost 2 years while he was in ICU, then rehab.
I think I was in shock for most of that time. I was always waiting. Waiting for the doctor; waiting for the nurse; waiting for the therapist; waiting for Dave to improve. I finally had to come to terms with the fact that he was not going to get any better. He has recovered some movement in all limbs, but he will never be free of his wheelchair.
I am grateful he is still Dave. His humor, his intellect, his kindness, and his common sense are still intact.
Struggle and tears
My caretaking role has been a struggle for me. I am not a nurse, never wanted to be a nurse and I hate bodily fluids of any kind! Now I have to deal with them on a daily basis. Anything you or I have to do for ourselves from the time we wake up until we go to bed, I have to help Dave with.
He has been so patient and accepting of all this. I have not. I have been angry, upset, in denial, and I still cry on a daily basis. But I think I am getting better. Our biggest blessing is our aide, who comes for three hours every weekday. I thank God for her every day. She is so helpful and loving. Her help allows me time to exercise and run errands.
In lots of ways, the pandemic has helped us. We can "go to church" via YouTube and take part in Zoom Bible Studies. It has kept us in touch with our church family.
Blessings along the way
There have been many blessings along the way.
The biggest blessing that has come out of this mess, is seeing how our children have worked together to help us to be able to live in our home. They made sure our doors were wide enough for Dave's chair, that the bathroom was remodeled to accommodate our needs, the overhead lift was installed, etc. They have loved us and helped us so much. They continue to work to make sure we are okay. It is so good to see that they have grown up to be good people. God has surely blessed us with wonderful, loving children.
We have been so fortunate for this terrible thing to have happened after we have retired. We don't have to worry about our jobs. We have Medicare and the appropriate supplements to help us with medical expenses.
Just before we retired, we struggled with the decision about whether to get long-term care insurance. We decided to get it, and it has been a tremendous help with expenses that Medicare does not cover. It even helped with living expenses while we were in Louisville. Such a relief to have such a financial resource that we might have missed!
One of Dave's high school friends from way back, gifted us with a van that could accommodate Dave in his wheelchair. Since the wheelchair is electric and weighs 425 pounds (not counting Dave!) this van was a wonderful gift!
And the blessing of hands-free technology is a wonderful thing!! Dave can use his computer and the Amazon Fire TV by using his voice without any other help from me or anyone else.
Incredible people
We have met some incredible people during this journey. Fellow patients and their caregivers have been so encouraging along with therapists at the Frazier Rehab Institute in Louisville and the Daniel Drake Center here in Cincinnati. Doctors and nurses both places were a godsend. Such kind and compassionate people! God has worked through these people to get us to where we are today.
People have asked what they can do to help. I never knew what to say. But now I do. Just stop by, even for a few minutes. We (especially Dave) do not get out much. It is a lot of work to do so. It would mean so much to us to visit with friends and know that they care.
