Shared story: Taking care of me is the best way to care for her
Today’s Shared Story comes from Dick Alexander,
retired minister and nationally known speaker, from Cincinnati, Ohio.
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Note to readers: Be sure and tell us how YOU are taking care of YOU.
See the note below, at the end of Dick’s post.
Dick and Betty Alexander, Christmastime, 2014
At first, it seemed selfish.
The Alzheimer's journey has been a long one—15 years so far. Over time our friends and acquaintances had learned of Betty’s diagnosis. When I would be out for a brief while and encounter a friend, it was common to be asked how Betty was doing. My unspoken thought was, The question isn’t really how she’s doing. It’s how am I doing?
Better me, better days
Her condition was what it was. She didn’t have the capacity to respond to it differently or change anything. Only I could make changes. And how she was doing was significantly affected by how I was doing. Was I tired, or was I energetic? Was I frustrated, or was I cheerful? Was I close and connected, or was I distant?
I couldn’t make her days great anymore. But I could make them a little better, or a little worse. So monitoring my own well-being became not an act of narcissism, but instead, the most loving thing I could do for my wife. She needed me to bring my “A” game every day.
Physically, emotionally, spiritually healthy
In the boring moments after the passengers are seated on the plane awaiting takeoff, a flight attendant delivers the safety talk. One part of the message says something to this effect—in case of an emergency, a yellow oxygen mask will drop down. “Put your own oxygen mask on first before attempting to help others.” Since Betty needs me more than ever before, my staying physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy was the best thing I could do for her.
Dick and Betty posed for a snapshot during a vacation in Redondo Beach, California in 2018.
For me, “putting on my oxygen mask” meant trying to get rest and exercise. It meant getting up a little early to have more time reading Scripture. It meant going to a ball game occasionally with my friends—doing things that were fun. With the help of other caregivers filling in, being away from home occasionally allowed me to have more energy when I was at home.
The ultimate caregiver
Jesus was the ultimate caregiver, often meeting deep needs of hundreds of people a day. But he didn’t do it every day. Some days he left people without healing and instead went to the hills to be alone and pray. Followers pursued Him, wondering why he hadn’t met all their expectations. But when he returned from the hills, he was ready to expend himself on their behalf.
Over time it has proven out—when I’m better, my wife is better. So for her sake, I want to stay healthy.
Note to readers: So how do YOU take care of yourSELF? What strategies or commitments to self-care have worked
for you? Please share them in the comments below, or send a note to mark@unchosenjourney.com.
Look for a compiled set of these ideas in a future post soon.