Monday meditation: What he thought was his all, was really only a start
“Here’s What Jesus Does”
Part 4: He Demands Our All
“He went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.” This, the last phrase in today’s reading, is one of the saddest and most telling conclusions of any story in the Bible.
He seemed proud of all he had done, all he had given, all the bad things he had avoided. But in spite of his shiny appearance, Jesus found the key to his heart. And the man wasn’t willing to let the Lord open the door.
Sometimes I wonder if I ever fall into the same trap.
All I’ve done—I keep a mental list of all the duties I’ve taken on now that I’m a caregiver. Some of them I enjoy. Many of them I endure. Occasionally I hate something I have no choice but to tackle. Like the rich young ruler, I do so much!
And no one sees it all except me—and God. I’ll admit sometimes I secretly wonder about how he might reward me because of what seems to me like a sacrifice.
All I’ve given—And I’m tempted to calculate all I’m giving, too. Actually, we caregivers may not give any more than we give up. Our life is peppered with losses: sometimes money, but more disappointing are the experiences we can no longer enjoy, the places we just don’t go, the friends who encourage from the sidelines because it’s difficult to relate to us as a couple.
“More than one person has mentioned the loss of companionship,” the social worker in the neurologist’s office said to me. It’s some comfort, I guess, to know that the string of caregivers she sees week after week feel much as I do. In many ways I’m alone at home, and these days we spend more time at home than ever before. The pleasure we caregivers are missing and the years we’re losing will never be regained. We’re giving so much.
All I’ve avoided—But we don’t complain. We don’t lash out at the diminished person in our care. We don’t hit. We don’t ignore. There’s so much so wrong that we, just like the rich young ruler, do not do.
So, is there something more Jesus wants from me? What might he ask of me that I just wouldn’t be able to surrender?
The answer is different for each of us, but the pride that tripped up the rich young ruler is a good starting point. His satisfaction with himself was a bigger problem even than the wealth he wouldn’t let go.
Could this be true for me? What happens to my relationship with him—and the person in my care—when I allow myself to focus most on all I’m giving instead of every undeserved gift I have received?
I can read the young ruler’s story as a warning for myself and decide if I have the courage to ask God what he’s still waiting for me finally to surrender.
Read: Mark 10:17-22
Pray: Thank you, God, for all the good you’ve showered on me even though I don’t deserve it. Thank you, God, for loving me without waiting for me to earn your love. Examine me, God, and help me see what I still haven’t surrendered to your control.
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