Perspective comes from noting the blessings. So I’ll jot a few here
A friend spoke to me about a spouse who is degenerating with times of dementia. The day before had been full of interaction, engagement, happy conversation. “Today not one sentence makes any sense,” my friend reported.
Good days and bad days are typical, I guess. People have sometimes asked me if we experience them, and when I think about it, I realize we seldom have a whole day that’s bad. We have difficult moments many days, maybe most days. And sometimes those times last a couple hours. Sundowning is real, and it doesn’t always happen after dusk.
For us, I often see Evelyn’s demeanor change about 2:00, more often by 4:00 or 5:00. If we’re fortunate, she’s more able to sit in one place and relax with the TV sometime after supper. Sometimes she later happily goes with the bedtime routine. Other times she seems confused by what I’m asking her to do next, and it takes some effort before I finally drop into bed hoping my blood pressure will lower before I close a book and turn off the light.
Pleasant times
But we have pleasant times almost every day, too. A big smile or a chuckle at my kidding in the morning. Chatter about the flowers or little children or beautiful clouds we see in a 10-minute afternoon walk. Singing along with a YouTube music video. Gladly helping me empty the dishwasher, fold the laundry, or clear the table. Happy smiles and hugs with friends at church—and many other times, too.
In fact, I thought about creating a special section at the end of each blog post just to record our blessings in this, “My Chronicle,” as the home page puts it. I could call this new section “This Week’s Blessing” or “Special Moments.” I can’t remember a week when there wouldn’t have been something to report.
Blessings day by day
Contenders for the last couple weeks’ list would include:
• A surprise message Friday before last from an acquaintance at church who wanted to bring us her homemade lasagna. We enjoyed it for three meals! I told her we don’t go hungry, but we never, ever have homemade lasagna. What a treat!
• A drive through the country to a meeting place for lunch with Evelyn’s cousin and his wife and her brother and his wife. Lots of laughter. A pretty good meal. A hint of the autumn color in the groves we passed along the way.
And a belated birthday cake for Evelyn!
• Weekly visits and so much help from our regular caregivers. The Friday-morning visit with Evelyn’s lifetime friend, Jan, who organized Evelyn’s closet while I was off volunteering at The Healing Center. Plus Jan’s homemade vegetable soup for lunch—with more for us to enjoy all weekend.
• Our “Birthday Brunch Palooza” with Terry and Shirley and Paul and Sev Saturday. I made two new recipes, and they brought food, too. More laughter. Great gifts. A happy time. (Shirley and Paul celebrate October birthdays along with Evelyn.)
• Stopping by the open house that celebrated Freda Hill’s 100th birthday Saturday afternoon. I dearly love this lady, and her family has been special to us.
Even though it was mostly a family celebration, I asked if we could crash it, because I wanted to give her a hug—and enjoy the cake! (Evelyn liked it too! And she and Martha showed up wearing VERY similar sweaters!)
• And we’re having a beautiful autumn. The magnificent maple in our backyard is full of scarlet leaves on branches that have grown to form a backdrop behind the evergreen beside it. I’m sitting here and drinking in its glory as I look out the sliding glass door to the yard. I thought a little while ago, Well, we’re not traveling to see fall splendor this year, but I’m grateful for the little taste of it we have right here at home.
Leslie Barton wrote in her Shared Story last year that she starts each day jotting down a list of three things she’s thankful for. The lists create sort of a journal she can remember when the challenges come. Her simple daily pause for gratitude helps her keep perspective.
My approach is a variation on the theme. By God’s grace, we’re experiencing happy moments every day. I try to remember them when I feel my blood pressure rising.