Out of the house, out of ourselves, receiving as much as we gave
If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
Regina Brett
The best way to feel happy is to help other people feel happy.
Stephanie Harrison
It is more blessed to give than to receive.
Jesus Christ
Two friends and I went on a mission of mercy Saturday, and I’m pretty sure we received more than we gave.
The three of us and those we visited are sufferers, so to speak. Our recent lives have been characterized by loss. My friends lost their 40-year-old son a few months ago, just five weeks after his diagnosis with stomach cancer.
They’re doing OK, but still reeling. I’m doing fine, too, but still after all of these years watching my wife deteriorate with Alzheimer’s, I cry every day.
We rode 90 minutes to lunch with a friend from the past whose 61-year-old wife died in December with cancer that had metastasized to her brain at the end of a two-and-a-half years battle with the disease.
After three hours together, we drove 30 minutes more to visit a 50-year-friend who has just moved to an assisted living facility. She can’t cope at home alone because of chemotherapy-induced neuropathy that has left her fingers and feet completely numb, and thus practically useless. She’s sitting in her room, waiting for the feeling to return.
A mutual friend, about our age who has been a widow for decades, joined us for the afternoon and evening, including dinner in the well-appointed care facility.
Therapeutic sharing
Our times together were wonderful. We laughed. We cried (well, I did, for sure). We listened to each other’s stories. We experienced a therapeutic sharing of our grief. We talked about the future.
I felt sure it would be good for us to go. We had survived the holidays, but the cold, gray days of winter stretched before us. We would do well to get out of the house and out of ourselves. We had friends who needed us. And instinctively I believed we needed them, too.
My conviction was underscored not only by the satisfaction we felt as we returned from our visits, but also by the advice of an article I came across Sunday.
Acts of kindness
Stephanie Harrison, founder of a company called The New Happy, wrote about New Year’s resolutions. She said setting “grand goals for improving our own lives and serving our own needs and desires” seldom works. Instead, research shows that performing acts of kindness for others brings far more satisfaction.
She cited a 2024 Gallup survey in which “less than half of Americans say they are ‘very satisfied’ with their personal lives—a near record low.” Her conclusion: “Chasing pleasure and prestige hasn’t been serving us.”
So, instead of setting goals to achieve thinner waistlines or fatter investment accounts, Harrison says we’ll find more success—and satisfaction—with efforts to serve others.
Saturday without realizing it, we were following her advice to turn outward instead of inward, and that was very good—not only for the people we visited, but for us.
Giving and receiving
Surely Jesus was right when he said it’s more blessed to give than to receive. He didn’t add it’s almost impossible to give without receiving something back in return, even when we’re thinking only of the person we’re serving.
As it turns out, the advice from Harrison, the happiness expert, applies not only to folks frustrated with their failed New Year’s resolutions. It’s a prescription for coping with loss.
Serving others gives me strength to handle my own grief. It’s a good thing to remember in the shutdown days of winter.
